Four Rules of Communication

The fourth session at the Ironwood couples’ retreat this year dealt with communication in marriage.  Our speakers were Dennis and Marilyn St. Lawrence.  Dennis is the pastor at Grace Baptist Church in Chariton, Iowa.  Good stuff!  Ironwood provides access to the messages as well.  Go to  User name:  CRC2017 and the PW: Transformed.

1. Be honest (v. 25).

Ephesians 4:25 (NKJV)

25 Therefore, putting away lying, Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another.

-“Speak” – that is a command

-“Speak truth” – stop all lying, evading, and manipulating.

-“Speak truth” in love (cp. v. 15) – with the other person’s best interest in mind.

2. Keep current (vv. 26-27).

Ephesians 4:26–27 (NKJV)

26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

-Settle today’s problems today.

-Failure to solve each day’s problems means we:


-Open the door for resentment and contempt

-Distort future problems.

-Endanger our physical relationship.

3.  Attack the problem, not the person (vv. 29-30).

Ephesians 4:29–30 (NKJV)

29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

-Corrupt communication:

-Bypasses the conflict

-Zeros in on a person’s character

-Tears down and rips apart

-Grieves the Holy Spirit

-Edifying communication:

-Zeros in on conflict

-Centers on personal responsibility

-Expresses solutions

-Ministers grace (words that edify)

4.  Act!  Don’t React (vv. 31-32)!

Ephesians 4:31–32 (NKJV)

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

-We are naturally defensive, blame-shift and react.

-We must learn by God’s Spirit to be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.

-No matter how irresponsible the other person is we must act biblically.

Two golden expressions to preserve a marriage:

1. Will you forgive me?

2. I love you!

Good relations are built when two sinners submit to biblical principles.

Be honest.

Keep current.

Attack the problem and not the person.

Act!  Don’t react!

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